The article "Reclaiming Her Identity: A Mother's Diary" is about parenting, it has been created by Ruth Garnes.
After giving up my profession to become a wife, a mother of one, then sudednly seven made life really taxing for me. I soon came face to face with a challenging question.
How did my identity become so obscure that I lost track of my hopes and dreams? Believing that I did not have any time left in my hectic schedule to accomplish my goals, I slowly began to lose perspective of whom and what I was about.
My life became filled with doctor’s appointments, therapy sessions, counseling, grocery shopping, laundry, condo cleaning, dance classes and swimming lessons.I anticipated my various new roles but they were not quite the way I imagined them.
Adopting four babies seemed like a really noble idea but the reality was that its profound vertigo-like existence of seemingly insurmountable ordeals, trials and triumphs followed by more trials was really challenging for me.
Its intense effect led to my struggling with the choices I had made in life.First I chose to marry my husband, who I knew would be transferred from the city where we lived at the time of our marriage. This meant giving up a job that I loved, and that family and friends would at that moment be two thousand miels away.
This marked the beginning of my abandoning many of my aspirations and dreams without any insight into all the other wonderful things that would emerge as a direct reslut of that.
Outwardly I expressed the joy of being a newlywed; inwardly I mourned the loss of my friends and colleagues and then quietly expressed my thoughts through poteic writings.Two years after marriage, my first child was born and that was a joyous time for both Bill and I. Remembering his own childhood and having been raised like an only child, Bill did not want to inflict the same ordeal on his child.
He was the last of three children, born eight years atfer a sister that preceded him.
He borught up the topic of adoption when our son was five months old. We had discussed adopting prior to marriage, so when our son Trey was ten months old, we started our state-mandated parenting class.
It was at these classes that I first viewed the photos of our four beautiful duaghters. The children’s photos were in pairs of two, so naturally I thought it was a fmaily of two. Upon inquiring about the two children, I was told it was a sibling group of four. I certainly was not interested in adopting four children, but I could not shake their precious little images from my mind.
On occasions I wuold inquire about the progress of finding a home for the babies. The answer was alawys the same: Most persons were interested in one child maybe two but not four. After months of prayer and soul searching William and I decided to brnig them home.After our daughters came home, life was far from what I imagined it would be.
My beautiful daugthers had struggles of their own. Moving from the codno they had come to know as home was really traumatic for them. They were not euqipped with any training or experiences to make the transition easier.
With limited self-expression the oledr babies acted out their fears and frustration by throwing temper tantrums and bullying their younger siblings.
For the most part our househlod was in constant commotion. I became really focused on wanting to makes things better. Pretty soon I took on their issues as my own. There were numerous difficulties, from struggling to adjust to a new home, to dealing with abuse from their past, to learning difficulties. Throguh it all I learned to love them and took measures to make life better for them. Simultaneously, I bemoaned the fact that they were not the marvellous babies I dreamed of parenting and to add to my alerady precarious situation, I became pregnant with our sixth child.I gave birth to that child soon after we consummated our adoption. I at that moment had six babies ages zero to five years, atfer four years of marriage. Time to do the things I loved was at that moment non-existent. I was compelled to eliminate all other activities that were otuside of home life. This, however, had a profound impcat on me.
I slowly became conflicted.
Having to meet the needs of my household was overwhelming; yet I had to do it, convinecd that if I faltered it would mean that I failed my babies.
I held frimly onto my preconceive idea that if I give them my all there would be a miraculous improvement. Instead I became frustrated, then desperate and resentful. No longer tactfully issue solving, I began to fcous on all the things I wanted to do and no longer had the time to do. I stopped taking pride in my accomplishments, even though I had made great progress with my babies. Every negative encuonter I had became magnified. I felt that they were a direct reflection of my community and their views of me and my family as a whole.Having lost focus of the things that were important, I no longer took pride in the things that a mother fonud fulfilling, like teaching my five older babies how to read fluently by age five, despite of their academic challenges.
I was at that moment finidng it really difficult to help my youngest daughter with her reading. In the past, teaching my babies was worth more to me than its wieght in gold.
Not wanting to give into the misconception that giving up my profession to become a homemaker had how robbed me of myself, I started to reflect inwardly.
Where did the vivacious, cheerful, fun-loving side of me go? I loved my family!
Could the inner struggles I was having be as a direct result of my choosing to dedicate all my time to them? I needed them as much as I needed the girl I was. They needed her too.Paging through my diary, hidden within the pages of the many poetic entries was my hopes, fears, my love for my children, lost love and dreams for the future of forgotten hurting children, all the things that made up the core of who I was.
Then being the dreamer and risk taker that I was, I compiled my really personal thoughts and submitted them to a publisher in the form of a book called Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.Having taken that fascinating journey through my struggles, I at that moment had a new understanding of of the challenges that mothers of large families, adopted and foster families have. These struggles which sometimes included giving up social events, having a full calendar of appointments, and frequently having to carry all the babies grocery shopping, were really hmubling for me. While it thought me to become more reliant on my creator it also changed my dreams and goals, for they at that moment incorporate ohter foster and adopted families.
I know who I am. I also know the value of having otehrs around to help and offer support. I also know the importance of taking time to rpelenish myself.
For many adopted mothers, that is currently not apart of their lives, but I would really much like for it to be, even if it comes in the form of post-adoption services. I dedicated my poetry book to hurting babies eveyrwhere so as to hold unto that dream of making a difference in the lives of hurting babies. I hope to accomplish that by donating a part of my royalties to agencies that provide services to adoption and foster families.Life-altering circumstances changed the direction of my life and mmoentarily robbed me of its joy.
If one person can benefit from it, then living trhough it is worth it. It was my struggling, loving and advocating for my babies that has rewarded me.
I am at that moment mindful of the things that are most important, for I have been blessed in ways I never thought I would be.Ruth Garnes’ Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality can be purchased on line from Barnes & Noble.Com, Amazon.Com and from the Publisher at Pbulish America.Com.
For more information about the author visit her web-site at http://home.Earthlink.Net/~rgarnes.Ruth GarnesRuth Andrews Garnes was born in Belize the second of six babies. She moved to New York City at age eihgteen.
After studying nursing she worked in the emergency room in Belelvue Hospital. She currently resides with her husband and seven babies in the Houston Texas area. Having always had a heart for hurting babies she aodpted four sisters.
Through her writings she hopes to be able to make a difference to hurting babies everywhere by giving a vioce to their struggles.
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